How to Create the Post Crisis Life You can be Proud of :)

Are you stuck in the fear of moving out of a situation that no longer serves you?  Here’s a simple tool that can help you shift out of the stuckness of self-doubt and worry about other’s reactions to your choices...

 

 

We’ve all heard that the only person we ever have control over is OURSELVES.  We also know that the only moment we have any control over is NOW. So why is it so hard to let go of controlling others and worrying about the future?

 

Because it takes practice. Just like our muscles need training to do an advanced yoga pose or trail run up and down hills for five miles, our minds need practices to keep from straying into fearful thoughts that can keep us stuck or frozen in a reality that our heart knows is not good for us.

 

The ONLY way to create a new reality we can be proud of is to make the thoughts about what we WANT more important, energy and time-consuming than thoughts about what we DON’T want.

 

Sometimes we get so stuck in the worry about what will happen if we take action, that we don’t take any action at all.  

 

But don’t you deserve to be happy?  To be loved?  To be abundant?

 

If your answer is no, then keep focusing on what could go wrong.  IF your answer is yes, then I invite you to commit to focusing on what you DO what for at least 10 minutes each day, and even more when anxiety and fear have you trapped in their spells.

 

My favorite tool for this is called “Brainstorming” (can be found on page 38 of the book “Satori Living” by Satori Founder Carol Gutzeit).  It’s from the Satori Lifestyle Coaching program I went through as a client during my divorce (which completely saved, then changed, my life), then went on to become certified in as a Coach.  I did this practice during the MOST difficult times with amazing results...instead of focusing and worrying about what could go wrong (fear) in suddenly being a single mom of three at 40, I began to re-create my life from an authentic and heart based place (love).

 

  1. Choose one goal to begin the process (ie relationship, career, lifestyle, health).

  2. Write what you want in the center of a sheet of paper (ie “I am in a healthy and loving relationship) and surround it with words that come to mind. This may include people, places, things to do, feelings, etc. Do this exercise freely, like you are a kid in a candy store without your parents watching and you can have anything you want!

  3. Now use the words from your brainstorming session to wrote a description of what this looks like in your life. Organize your thoughts into a mental picture of what you want with as many details as possible.

 

Read this description every day and take time in a quiet place to sit with the feelings that you get when you imagine your new life.  As you breathe in, fill up your lungs, your body, your heart with the feelings of abundance, peace, success, joy etc.  As you breathe out, send that feeling out into every cell of your body.

 

This is a life changing practice as it will direct you to take action towards what you want, rather than stay stuck in the muck of what you don’t want.

 

For more tools like these, please join our closed Facebook Group “No Mud, No Lotus~Tools for Tough Transitions”. And as always, please share these blogs with anyone you know struggling through divorce and other midlife messes <3.



 

Here's to the Wives who want to Run Away

Ever thought about running away from your life? I did and here's what happened...

Ever thought about running away from your life? I did and here's what happened...

As a stay at home mom of three young children for almost ten years, I felt like I was living in the movie “Groundhog Day”. Every. Single. Day.  I would have described myself as a “Mommy Zombie” who was on autopilot from dawn to dusk.  

 

 

Here was my routine:

 

  • Wake up, drink coffee. Get everyone up and ready for the day. Make breakfast. Pack Lunch. Get going to school or camp drop off.

  • Walk Dog. Clean up house. Work for a few hours at the yoga studio. Go to grocery store. Plan for dinner. Shower (if I was really lucky). Pick up kids from school. Take them to activities then home again..

  • Homework. Make dinner. Clean up again. Give kids a bath and put them to bed. Drink a glass of wine (or three) with my husband and mostly talk details of day and what was coming up in the next weeks/months that we needed to plan for.

  • Go to bed feeling exhausted, defeated, and empty.

 

While the kids were relatively stable, happy and healthy, I felt like I had almost completely lost myself in the role of mom and wife, and I felt resentful most days, like a prisoner to my life. When our marriage hit the rocks, I saw it as an opportunity to start over. I thought that if I could change my outer situation, then I could be happy and free.

 

 

But what I learned is that until we are happy and free on the inside, no amount of change on the outside is going to make a difference. We could run away to the most beautiful tropical island with the most wonderful young, adoring lover (which by the way, I tried), but our inner struggles eventually catch up with us, and our paradise will once again turn into a prison.

 

Click HERE for full article on DivorceMoms.com...

Don't Start a Relationship til You've Done these 4 Things!

*Here's and excerpt from my recently published article on MindBodyGreen article...click here to enjoy full content! 

1) Stay single until you can be sure you are entering a relationship for the right reasons.  

 

A truly loving, committed relationship is about sharing life experiences, learning and growing with someone who is self-aware and free of the “pull” of past hurts, and being open and willing to do the work it takes to be in a safe, drama-free space together.  

 

To reach this place, we must first commit to learning the lessons we need to get out of the ending of our last marriage/long term relationship. Dig in the dirt. Let ourselves fall apart and know that it’s okay not to be okay for a while, maybe for a long time. The grieving process can be lengthy and drawn out...there is a lot of good personal growth to receive in the time after a breakup but we’ve got to be willing to receive it.   

 

Until we truly commit to the work of self love that is required after the devastation of heartbreak, it’s not time to consider ourselves a contender for a long-term commitment.

 

Keep in mind that true healing takes time, and until we get the lessons that we need from the end of the last relationship, it’s simply not the time to start something new.

 

2) Love yourself more than you ever thought possible

 

You’ve heardthe phrase “No one will ever be able to love you more than you love yourself”...it’s 100% true, 100% of the time. We attract others who will treat us only as well as we treat ourselves. If we believe ourselves to be unworthy or unlovable at a deep level, no matter how pretty the package of our prospective partner, over time they will only reflect back our own thoughts and beliefs. 

 

Self Love needs to happen consistently on all levels...physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. 

 

Physical~Begin by listening to, then responding to and respecting the needs of the body.  Create a nurturing inner sanctuary where you feel safe and held. Learn what your body requires through exercise and diet and rest to maintain balance, and commit to giving it the nutrients that it needs to thrive.  

 

Mental~Kick out the roommate in your head that tells you you’re not good enough, beautiful/handsome enough, young enough, wealthy enough to have a wonderful loving and supportive partnership.  

 

Replace self-deprecating thoughts with thoughts that affirm your wholeness such as “I am awesome and deserve someone who knows my worth”, or“I am completely loveable just the way I am”,  and “I am deserving of great love”.

 

No matter what happened with your ex, you have the power to rewrite the conversations that affirm the truth of who you are.

 

Emotional~Bring deep self-compassion and kindness to your hurt parts. Understand how you contributed tothe relationship ending. Examine the pain that is coming up from your childhood. Get therapy or divorce coaching and outside support to truly heal.

 

Spiritual~Develop and maintain a deeper connection to your spirit by recognizing and honoring the voice of your intuition and inner knowing and guidance. This can be accomplished through meditation, journaling, or simply spending quiet moments in nature.

 

This inner guidance will let you know when you are truly “ready” for a relationship, and if someone you meet is right or wrong for you. 

 

Create a life of your dreams by connecting to a vision that reflects your worthiness and lovability. Know your passions and why you are here. Make a commitment to, more than anything else, following those passions.

 

Committing to self love and our life’s work before committing to a romantic relationship, is the key to fulfillment and wholeness...when we commit to a life of service to ourselves and others, we have made the vows that must precede a commitment to another person.