As a stay at home mom of three young children for almost ten years, I felt like I was living in the movie “Groundhog Day”. Every. Single. Day. I would have described myself as a “Mommy Zombie” who was on autopilot from dawn to dusk.
Here was my routine:
Wake up, drink coffee. Get everyone up and ready for the day. Make breakfast. Pack Lunch. Get going to school or camp drop off.
Walk Dog. Clean up house. Work for a few hours at the yoga studio. Go to grocery store. Plan for dinner. Shower (if I was really lucky). Pick up kids from school. Take them to activities then home again..
Homework. Make dinner. Clean up again. Give kids a bath and put them to bed. Drink a glass of wine (or three) with my husband and mostly talk details of day and what was coming up in the next weeks/months that we needed to plan for.
Go to bed feeling exhausted, defeated, and empty.
While the kids were relatively stable, happy and healthy, I felt like I had almost completely lost myself in the role of mom and wife, and I felt resentful most days, like a prisoner to my life. When our marriage hit the rocks, I saw it as an opportunity to start over. I thought that if I could change my outer situation, then I could be happy and free.
But what I learned is that until we are happy and free on the inside, no amount of change on the outside is going to make a difference. We could run away to the most beautiful tropical island with the most wonderful young, adoring lover (which by the way, I tried), but our inner struggles eventually catch up with us, and our paradise will once again turn into a prison.
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